Razor blade and twist

Their magic is a myth

Save the satan in the Summer

Before the Autumn Leaves do drown

And everyone walking is a which

– missxzero

Edited for clarity: I remember that I discovered after writing this a while ago that it had that sainted/satan kind of close words together, I forget the term…

I don’t really know what the first two lines mean, but the third and fourth are a reference to a story I am working on that is a part of the visions that I’ve had and am technically kind of having while writing it.

Not a who. Which. It’s a loss of individuality.

The sainted has nothing to do with the code word the speakers that talk with my mouth use – the only reason I even got the title was because they use this word. I think that it means people who have helped to “co-write” my visions – I would get on tumblr and scroll and find Classic Doctor Who posts that would suddenly become my visions and become my canon, so to speak.

dust to dust

Sinner to sinner

In-between the sheets

No man’s a winner

– missxzero

Edited for clarity: I am definitely wanting to put on “Fight Like a Girl” reading this. It reminds me of some of the things (not the song) that I’ve heard, though I don’t remember enough to talk about it. It’s from the people or whoever that speak through me.

Maybe she left for a rifle

When the platinum didn’t reach a full momentum

Maybe the DJs had better guise than Sam

Whose hand reached in by another man

Falling down on all his grand plans

Well maybe she wasn’t suicidal but addicted

Maybe it was life worth giving

A final shot with a rifle and bowman

We’ll take the next train down to Hoboken

– missxzero

Edited for clarity: I think the first two lines are a compare/contrast in a sort of way – this poem seems to be about a fictional version of Billie Eilish and Tori Amos. She left to make her own Pele (someone changed the second verse and I don’t know what the original was), but because of my super-awesomeness, though I just now saw that it may be offensive and THE ORIGINAL WAS ABOUT BOYS FOR PELE GOING PLATINUM…maybe I’m blonde. It’s weird though because Tori had a rifle (???) on Pele, asyoucanseeIamverysouthern, anyway. She left for Choirgirl/Billie left for Pele – two different directions. I think the next three lines are about how you get remixed by the press – Tori was painted as a kook by this point, and people were talking about Billie’s body like they fucking own it or something. Men manipulate this image – in the 90s, most music journalists, I believe, were men. 

The suicidal/addicted line makes me think it’s about Emilie Autumn – under the fire, the red dye…has Billie done red hair yet? I don’t think she has. I don’t know, I’m just trying to explain what this means. With the other two, it could be about how losing a child changes you – “maybe she wasn’t suicidal” but “she was addicted” and in Spark, Tori talks about a cigarette addiction along with a miscarriage. “Maybe it was life worth giving – a final shot with a rifle and bowman, we’ll take the next train down to Hoboken.” The last line is a reference to Father Lucifer, which references a miscarriage she had in 1995. Fans on online forums/groups have said horrible things about Tori – from losing Tash, divorcing Mark, “Maybe she should miscarry again” – I think the “maybe it was life worth giving” line is a double-meaning line – the art they created was a life that was worth giving to the world, but it’s like…”a final shot with a rifle and bowman” is almost like saying “and with a drink of this poison, I shall live…” even though you die at the end of the story. This whole thing is SO sad. I’m shaking.

The last line I interpret to mean “Let’s take a trip and meet Tori’s Lucifer.” Billie Eilish uses the line “My Lucifer is lonely” in “all the good girls go to hell.”

As for Emilie Autumn, the line “maybe she wasn’t suicidal but addicted” escapes me but the next lines reminds me that it could be about her time she spent in a mental asylum – “maybe it was life worth giving” – she was forever changed after that.

“Under the fire, the red dye” is a reference to Tori Amos’ fire in her playing at the piano and of her red hair. It’s also a reference to Emilie Autumn, but I’m still a little bit…behind, as I don’t actually follow Emilie like I do Tori. I have to fix this because of what’s happening. I have to go through interviews and finish her book.

And by the darkness

The Crimson will rise

And through the air

The light will ever shine

So speak of you

The letters he won’t write

And through the tide

The past will come in haunting you

– missxzero

Edit for clarity: The Crimson Chapter – it’s a reference to the cult in Doctor Who (rather the Sarah Jane audios) that is after Sarah Jane Smith.

The air I believe is a reference to the astrological signs of Tom and Patrick.

I think someone’s calling out the person who wrote the poetry in 2018 and 2019 with “so speak of you, “the letters he won’t write”‘ they made that part a noun.

The moon causes a tide – I am told the moon is doing this to me.

“when everything changes

and there’s a new start

the battlefield upon the water

lays the field upon the glaciers


with warm hearts

the shadows can hide them

but away in the manger

the sorcerers can find them


once a former has passed

and the chance has been taken

you can laugh and even dance

but the red pill has been taken.”

– missxzero

Edited for clarity: The first stanza, the last two lines? The battlefield was on WATER. It lays the groundwork for when it is on GLACIERS – frozen water. Solid. As opposed to liquid. 

I feel stupid realizing that I didn’t see that at first.

The sorcerers must be referring to the three wise men who obviously are probably sorcerers? I don’t know.

The Red Pill is a reference to the Matrix movies.

“There’s only time

and a Butterfly.”

– missxzero


“Monarch Programming is a method of mind control used by numerous organizations for covert purposes. It is a continuation of project MK-ULTRA, a mind-control program developed by the CIA, and tested on the military and civilians. The methods are astonishingly sadistic (its entire purpose is to traumatize the victim) and the expected results are horrifying: The creation of a mind-controlled slave who can be triggered at anytime to perform any action required by the handler. While mass media ignores this issue, over 2 million Americans have gone through the horrors of this program. This article looks at the origins of Monarch programming and some of its methods and symbolism. …The published evidence indicates that Project MK-ULTRA involved the use of many methodologies to manipulate individual mental states and alter brain functions, including the surreptitious administration of drugs and other chemicals, sensory deprivation, isolation, and verbal and physical abuse.


Monarch mind control is named after the Monarch butterfly — an insect who begins its life as a worm (representing undeveloped potential) and, after a period of cocooning (programming) is reborn as a beautiful butterflies (the Monarch slave). Some characteristics specific to the Monarch butterfly are also applicable to mind control.


“One of the primary reasons that the Monarch mind-control programming was named Monarch programming was because of the Monarch butterfly. The Monarch butterfly learns where it was born (its roots) and it passes this knowledge via genetics on to its offspring (from generation to generation). This was one of the key animals that tipped scientists off, that knowledge can be passed genetically. The Monarch program is based upon Illuminati and Nazi goals to create a Master race in part through genetics. If knowledge can be passed genetically (which it is), then it is important that parents be found that can pass the correct knowledge onto those victims selected for the Monarch mind control.”


Dissociation is thus achieved by traumatizing the subject, using systematic abuse and using terrifying occult rituals. Once a split in the core personality occurs, an “internal world” can be created and alter personas can be programmed using tools such as music, movies (especially Disney productions) and fairy tales. These visual and audio aids enhance the programming process using images, symbols, meanings and concepts. Created alters can then be accessed using trigger words or symbols programmed into the subject’s psyche by the handler. Some of the most common internal images seen by mind control slaves are trees, Cabalistic Tree of life, infinity loops, ancient symbols and letters, spider webs, mirrors, glass shattering, masks, castles, mazes, demons, butterflies, hour glasses, clocks and robots. These symbols are commonly inserted in popular culture movies and videos for two reasons: to desensitize the majority of the population, using subliminals and neuro-linguistic programming and to deliberately construct specific triggers and keys for base programming of highly-impressionable MONARCH children. 11 Some of the movies used in Monarch programming include The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, Pinocchio and Sleeping Beauty.” 1

I don’t believe it exists at the moment as I don’t have any sort of proof. However, I notice this theme with this journey I am on, and the symptoms I am going through very much resemble MK-ULTRA.

Very fitting, I suppose, that my torment mimics one of my older interests…